I want to share with you all the conclusions I draw from some “news” stories. Before I even (if I ever do) read the articles, my mind likes to define what it’s about. The amount of ridiculous titles or lack of substance/reasoning behind stories I come across daily is overwhelming. It don’t know whats worse: the fact that people get paid to post things like the following or that people actually read them.
Anyway, these are just what I think I should read whenever I click. Enjoy.
1. One Time You SHOULDN’T Have Sex
“…On your period. It’s f*cking disgusting. Countless women’s magazines have been encouraging the deed when you bleed but I’ll never partake in it. How can you ignore the spread of red? Throwing down towels is supposed to make it acceptable? Absolutely not. Your face will turn that very same shade of scarlet when your mom comes over, only to find those towels she bought you in the garbage, covered in your monthly flow. Will you be ready to answer the quizzical stare? I don’t think so. Save yourself the embarrassment and awkward post-clean up and hold out those 3-5 days. Sheesh.”
2. Anne Hathaway Wears Football Jersey, Rocks Ripped Jeans
“…Look at pictures of Anne Hathaway wearing a completely normal outfit. We spotted Anne Hathaway walking her dog. She wore a Chargers jersey and destructed jeans. The outfit was complimented by sneakers, a beanie, and sunglasses. Why you needed to know this? We have no idea either. If you have a real news story we should be sharing, please email us at email@example.com”
3. Miley’s House Burglarized
“…the perpetrator was caught with a slew of Cyrus’ items. In the vehicle, the following items were found:
-Drugs: Salvia, Marijuana, Molly
-“Achy Breaky Heart” single on cd
-butt pads (much needed)
Sources have said that Cyrus’ father, Bill Ray, has requested these items are not returned to his daughter.”